Last Wednesday I had a meeting with the editor of a car magazine I am doing some contract work for. I wore a long grey skirt and purple patterned blouse and black tights, boots, black fur jacket and gloves as the cold weather demanded.
After the meeting I stopped at a hobby store to pick up a gift for my father (diecast Mark II Cortina GT like he used to have). I have known the stores owner since he opened and we have had many conversations about cars and I have bought a good number of birthday presents and gifts even some stuff for me at his store over the years.
Clearly he didn't recognize me. I paid for my purchase and even asked if he had the Hot Wheels Cadillac Seville as I had just bought the real thing recently. Still no sign of recognition. By this time another customer had come in so I asked if I could see an item at the back on a high shelf.
After he showed me the Autoart MGB I finally said, I should introduce myself. Yes he replies expectantly.
Didn't you see what I drove up in? Don't you recognize me? Oh the Lincoln, still no sign of recognition. Feeling a tinge of exasperation at this point I say I am (insert old name here). Still confused he says, Oh you're his wife?
NO I was HIM! Finally I see the light of comprehension in his eyes. He was cool with it and we had a quick chat before he had to get back to work.
It can be frustrating not knowing when we pass, are people being polite or did they assume that I was the woman I was presenting as. Was that odd look because I am not doing something right that is giving me away, did my voice betray me, the way I walk? Endless second guessing.
I am much better than before, earlier I would be terribly self conscious and have little confidence. Going full time helped immensely and more often than not I find myself having left the grocery store for example realizing that I had not worried about whether I pass or not.
That is not to say I don't make my best best effort to pass every day but April is now who I am and that is how I live my life every day.
The photo I took turned out super washed out my the noon day light but I think it gives it a real faded seventies vintage look. And no I am not eight feet tall, the Lincoln has been lowered significantly with custom made springs by Eaton Detroit.
Here is Hillbilly Moon Explosion with my new favourite version of Chick Habit: