Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
That is silly I don't even own a hovercraft. I don't exactly know what it was but last night I was struck with a serious fit of the giggles. You know when you start laughing and just can't stop until the tears are rolling down your cheeks. Not a good idea when wearing eyeliner and mascara.
I had he opportunity to get out with the girlfriends (or as I know them trouble making enablers ;)) last night. The three of us had the privilege of accompanying Heather on her first night out en femme. She did great by the way, very natural and if she was nervous she hid it well. It was a pleasure to catch up with Ashley and Natasha, hope we can get out again soon.
We started with a bite to eat a Thai restaurant, excellent noodles and green tea. Everyone was relaxed and joking, it started when someone said something about Buicks and my trunk being full of something…weasels…I don't know but that was all it took. I could not help thinking of the Monty Python, "Dirty Hungarian Phrase Book" sketch and I was a goner.
Perhaps the stress of the week, a new job, two important meeting earlier in the day and the rush to get ready was too much. All that stress needed a safety valve and laughter was a great release.
Later we went to a club down the street then home at a somewhat reasonable hour.
Everyone repeat after me, "My Hovercraft is Full of Eels".
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I would not say that I have conquered my depression, rather with support from my family, some progress on my journey and therapy I have fought it to a cold war standstill.
Unfortunately little things can still set me off and the black dogs slip their chains.
Sunday was an extended family gathering, over lunch the topic of the Thai airline that recruited and hired transsexual flight attendants came up. What we see as a small but welcome sign of acceptance in the wider world
was greeted with skepticism, ridicule and confusion.
I find it hard to describe how hurt and angry I felt. I wanted to deliver a stern lecture regarding the difference between transvestite and transsexual. I wanted to make a case for equal rights and tell them about the often life or death struggle anyone trans must go through.
Of course I instead stayed silent, a well intentioned defence would only raise questions I was not yet prepared to answer. Like a tropical storm front my face clouded over and I lapsed into silence for the rest of the gathering. I caught that knowing look from "J", the one that says I know but shake it off and put on a brave face. Unlike her I am terrible at hiding my emotions….a womanly trait I have yet to master?
I guess what hurt was that this person/people will know all about me soon enough, perhaps before the year is out. I don't want to be the punch line in anyone's joke. I should be more charitable and put it all down as an idle comment born of ignorance and instead look forward to ambassadorial role to come.
On the plus side I got to walk my daughter to school this morning and played a spirited game of tag before the bell rang.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Not to make fun of the bloody history of Cambodia but in my own life a revolution has taken place. Today (St.Valentine's Day) no I didn't plan it that way, is the first day of my new job working from home.
I wish it meant my first day as April 24/7 but I hope that will come this year. That is my plan, that is my goal and this job is a big part of it, fingers crossed it will allow me the freedom to finally be me.
I am at the computer dressed casually as April, jeans, bra, white t-shirt, a little eye makeup, wonderfully normal.
Lots of challenges ahead but I am excited, I was ready to go this morning, I have not looked forward to getting to work for some time. I am basically doing the same job I did before but more responsibility and more creative control.
I didn't get out on the weekend as we had lots of family stuff going on. I was "J's" escort to a formal affair at a very exclusive country club. It was a dinner for her company. Lots of looking for a dress beforehand, for her not me, I just wore my black suit. She looked great in her new outfit, black too, I think all the women in attendance wore black...very funereal.
Looked enough like a guy though my hair is too long. "J" later told me I was sitting too feminine. To make matters worse I was unsure what to drink, "J" says order a Cosmopolitan. All the guys are drinking beer and I am walking around with a pink drink in a Martini glass, only the little umbrella was missing.
Interacted well enough though an undercurrent of sadness as I felt somewhat the impostor and somewhat too comfortable in a role I wish I could abandon. Still a really nice evening out.
Friday, February 11, 2011
I had the opportunity to get out with my girlfriend Natasha last night, which improved my outlook on life tremendously. Window shopping at the mall then coffee for a long chat, lots to catch up on as we had not been out together since before Christmas.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I apologize as it has been a day or two since my last post. Tuesday was my final day at my old job, we had a company lunch, I took the last of my personal stuff to my car, said good bye to all the guys. I made a final few calls to clients, handed over my computer and phone passwords then drove home.
Monday, February 7, 2011
First a couple of missed anniversaries, I recently passed one hundred posts (where is my medal) and more importantly Sunday was the hundredth anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s birth.
“The Gipper” is seen by both sides of the political divide as a totemic figure worthy of quoting to make a point. It was during his first term in office that I realized I was a conservative. It took me longer to realize other things about myself and no I don’t find the two to be mutually exclusive.
I always thought he was a great man and the undeserved scorn heaped upon him by the pundits lead me to a healthy distrust of the media and taught me to think for myself more than any school or university.
This is not a political blog so I won’t go any further except to say what another giant of my youth, Margaret Thatcher said at his funeral,
"Well done, Thou good and faithful servant."
An epitaph that anyone should be proud.
To see some of his greatest speeches check out the always excellent Ace of Spades blog:
I am not a fan of football (or any sports really) but I do love advertising. Car commercials predominated at the Superbowl. VW takes the win for their pint sized Darth Vader but the Miss Evelyn Camaro ad made me want to sign my life away one easy payment at a time. Anyone else think Miss Evelyn looked like Joan from Mad Men?
I will not claim to be a “Gleek” but I really did enjoy last nights episode. Being more of a traditionalist, there I go being a conservative again, the version of the Zombies, She’s Not There, in full zombie makeup was super cool.
Of course a little while ago I would not have even admitted to watching this show, I would have locked myself in the garage and cleaned and regapped some spark plugs. See even conservatives can change. Look at that I tied everything up neatly, see you'll tomorrow.
Friday, February 4, 2011
My tenure at my own Sterling Cooper is almost over. I have slowly de-contented my office of books, car parts (a surprisingly large number) and pictures.
Wednesday morning will feel so strange I am sure I will have to stop myself from driving to work on autopilot. On the way to work I was thinking about all the cars I have driven here over the last nine years; three different Lincoln Continental Mark IVs (still have two of them), 1970 Riviera GS (destroyed in an accident), a Stutz Blackhawk and my current daily driver Toronado. Of course there were a few more but these were the ones in regular service. My in car music delivery has evolved from cassette to cd changer to ipod.
Listening to the Cramps today, great band. Hearing them for the first time was almost as eye opening as hearing Elvis’ Sun sessions. A sound that opened whole new vistas. If I could be in a band it would be this one.
My brother and I even saw them live one time and lived to tell! We were up at the front of the stage for the opening act (lame) when the Cramps came on we were swamped by a crush of crazed fans and pummelled by a sonic wall of noise, Lux’s screaming and Ivy’s staccato guitar. It was all we could do to make it up to the relative safety of the balcony and pray our hearing survived. They were playing when I was in Las Vegas on business many years later, I wish I had gone.
Lux passed away in 2009, his partner/wife/band mate Poison Ivy gave him a most appropriate and loving farewell at the Self Realization Fellowship, Elvis’ own spiritual hang out in LA.
Read all about his Astral Ascension here:
Almost as cool as my own preferred Viking funeral and black marble pyramid final resting place. Or if on a budget I will accept one of those weeping Victorian angels.
As you might tell from this live performance, being Trans would not have raised any eyebrows in this group.
The above photos are from the Date with Elvis album (one of their best) and a real early version of the band with Miriam Linna of Kicks and Norton Records fame. Read about her early history with the Cramps at her blog:
PS. YOU’RE A CRAMP NOW! YOU CAN’T GO BACK
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Looks like I survived the snowmageddon. Safe and warm back home at the end of the day. Came home to find "J" had cleaned the driveway to perfection! Thanks!
Made it into work at my usual time. Roads were quiet but a little slippery, most roads on my commute had yet to be plowed. Was in before my soon to be former boss…ha ;)
Feeling rather useless and out of place at work as the last few days of my sentence are served. I have been training a replacement (like I could be replaced). Don't feel like answering any more questions, want to get on with my new life! It is like having the ghost of Christmas future looking over my shoulder constantly.
I understand he just wants to put his own mark on things but man it is annoying.
Confident in my decision to leave.
Have been watching season three of Mad Men, the episode where Don and Betty go to Rome was great. It was interesting as I found myself identifying with Betty, especially as she so coolly and expertly fielded advances from the locals. Check out the link:
And Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow….so early spring!
On a sad note tomorrow is February 3rd....
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Let the count down begin. It is now a week until my last snowy road, speed trap, bleary eyed morning commute, well to this place at least. I have been training a temporary replacement, kind of like writing your own eulogy.
Few people know I am leaving and surprisingly word has not spread, really? I thought I would be the hot topic this week, oh well, just wait until they found out about the other.
Big snowfall predicted for tonight and tomorrow, no I will not be in a rush to risk my life to be at my desk on time. It was certainly never appreciated in the past. Sorry trying not to be bitter. On wards and upwards, to the toppermost of the poppermost as John Lennon and the guys were want to say.
Relatively confident that the FWD Toronado can handle the worst Mother Nature can dish out. Better check on the Electra and Eldorado on the way home.
I have been catching up on season 3 of Mad Men; “Guy Walks into an Advertising Agency” has to be the best episode ever. I grew up reading old early sixties Mad magazines and always wanted to work on Madison Ave in the grey flannel suit days, so this show is perfect for me. I actually do work in a form of advertising just without the three martini lunches, money or glamour.
Here is a rare picture of me with glasses (and for good reason, planning on switching back to contacts) as they say, guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses...